I have a friend whose car has been sideswiped in parking lots twice in the last three years. Twice! Neither time did the other driver leave their contact or insurance information. But that’s another story. Each time, there was a long, unsightly dent along the entire side of the car. Fortunately, she has auto insurance, so deciding to fix the ugly gash wasn’t a difficult decision. Call the insurance company, get an estimate, schedule the repair, wait around for parts to arrive, pay the deductible, and fix the problem. Fuming fiercely about thoughtless drivers was optional.
But her car drama got me to thinking about the dents we all face. Fixing big dents – problems – in your work is almost always an easy choice. Fix them. They’re unsightly, damage your reputation, and generally make the rest of the project more difficult. If you want to be known for your skill and professionalism, you do what it takes to make things right. Just like fixing that big dent in the car.
But fixing a little dent can be quite another matter. You know, those dings you get when a rock tossed up by a truck tire hits your hood, or when the kids let the grocery cart bump into the tailgate little too hard. You don’t have to fix them. After all, most vehicles have a few little blemishes, and nobody notices. But gather up too many of them, and the car starts to look raggedy. Beat up. Something we’re not too happy to be driving.
Or…maybe we decide that we’re just fine driving a car with a few dents. It’s dependable. There’s no car payment. The kids are still young enough to spill juice boxes and snack crackers on a regular basis, and who wants muddy soccer cleats on pristine upholstery? And by now, we all know you can buy that new car smell in a spray can. Above all, it gets us where we need to go, and we’re not trying to impress the neighbors. We’re happy with some dents and dings.
Fixing those little dents in our work often means we have a deep commitment to quality. We want to consistently deliver our best efforts. I know that taking care of the little things often ensures the big ones take care of themselves. On the other hand, living with dents is a way to focus on what really matters, not just on what can be fixed. Are we willing to live with some imperfections to ensure every voice is heard? Are we working on early stages of a project that is bound to improve over time? Is this something where “good enough is good enough” or are we striving for perfection when it’s not necessary?
It’s the little dents that will make us ponder. But there’s nothing wrong with that.
I’ve always loved swimming. In fact, I was actually part of a synchronized swimming team in college. So, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that one swimmer I’m always excited to see is Katie Ledecky. World record holder, winner of nine Olympic medals (including one as the youngest swimmer ever to win Olympic gold), and 21 world championships, she is widely considered to be the finest woman swimmer in the world. So how did she get there?
In her book, “Just Add Water,” Ledecky notes that a strong genetic line of persistence runs through her whole family. Once one of them gets an idea, they execute it. And that, in large part, is what has driven Ledecky since she started swimming at age 6. She hasn’t always had the best technique or the most natural ability. But when her coaches through the years have been asked what has enabled her to swim the way she does, their answer is inevitably the same: hard work. Ledecky has always believed that the effort she puts in today will pay off down the road. She believes in the swimming mantra “no shortcuts”. There are no shortcuts to developing the skill and stamina required to compete at the highest level, just as there are no shortcuts to the end of the pool…you have to swim all the way. Powering to the wall is how she wins races.
Ledecky has taken to heart a key theme I’ve seen in successful leaders in a variety of fields. She thrives not on winning, but on continuous, unrelenting improvement. A knowledge sponge, she takes feedback eagerly and implements change as soon as she can master it. Never one to hit the snooze button, she is willing to set scary goals and take the steps necessary to achieve them. For example, she has long set what she calls “want times”…ambitious swim times that were private, but which became more and more reasonable as her swimming improved. So, let me ask…are you setting stretch goals for yourself? Are you willing to seek out feedback, even if it might be hard to hear? Above all, are you willing to implement change and work diligently at that every single day?
Above all, Ledecky remembers the most important life lesson of all. Doing right takes commitment. And being successful hardly matters if you can’t look in the mirror and be proud of who you see looking back at you. Above all, what everyone else does in the pool isn’t your business. Your business is to do your absolute best with complete integrity. Every single lap.
As former White House press secretary Jen Psaki notes in her book “Say More: Lessons from Work, the White House, and the World” the first step in successfully navigating a difficult conversation is to accept mutual discomfort as inevitable. Someone is going to be uncomfortable saying something, and the other person is going to be uncomfortable hearing it. Whether it’s discussing the realities of racial and economic inequality, dealing with subpar employee performance, or announcing a new direction for your organization, we’re all going to feel that squirm inside.
One way to minimize the squirm is to remember the famous quote attributed to Maya Angelou: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” How we feel is closely tied to a sense of being truly hear. So, if you want to navigate difficult conversations, become a better listener. Learn to let people feel heard.
The best listeners do a lot more than just nod. Paying attention to what someone is saying is all about being present in the moment. Good listeners make the process collaborative and interactive. They lean in. Use what they already know to make a connection. Ask questions. Probe for more information. Repeat back what they think they’ve heard. And they’re willing to be a bit uncomfortable if it lowers the barrier to engagement.
In an environment where it seems everyone is shouting instead of engaging, learn to listen. It’s often the quietest voices in the room that have the most to say. No matter how hard the conversation might be, let them be heard.
I recently read “Creative Confidence: Unleashing the Creative Potential Within Us All”, by Tom Kelley and David Kelley. I’ve always known that creativity is a key leadership competency, and it has been an integral part of ISI Consulting because we embrace its power. The authors, though, stress that creative confidence is like a muscle – it can be strengthened and trained through effort and experience, and anyone can build it.
Creativity happens whenever we have the opportunity to generate new ideas, solutions, or approaches. It’s why we recognize that there can be many possible approaches to a problem, although all of them might not be worth implementing. Sometimes we don’t know until we try them out. Failure can be a great teacher. Remember, you didn’t learn to ride a bike by simply hopping on and riding off. You fell – probably more than once or twice – and then figured out how to balance better and pedal harder. Don’t be so afraid of failure that you don’t give something a shot.
Another way to spark creative action is to put a fence around it. I know, that sounds odd, but it’s not. At the end of a brainstorming session, you might have a hundred ideas on Post-It notes. Constrain the excess by focusing on a doable piece of the problem. What ideas could you explore in the next two hours? How can you make progress right now? This will keep you from the “everything, everywhere, all at once” dilemma.
Finally, create milestones. I’ve always found it incredibly helpful to have “mini-deadlines” to keep teams focused and their energy up. Especially during a long project, if you have a small portion due or a dry run scheduled, it’s easier to stay on track. And don’t forget to celebrate when you reach a marker…it will encourage everyone.
No matter what your next project is, I challenge you to unleash your creative confidence to empower your team and practically guarantee success.
My children can be amazed by the simplest of things. The flashing of a firefly in our neighbor’s yard. Watching our dog, Buster Brown, with his ears flapping in the breeze riding on the front of our boat. The excitement of a bouncing hay ride to find the perfect pumpkin at the farm every fall. That sense of wonder children exhibit so freely is the engine that drives curiosity and helps develop a robust intellect. To put it simply, we are prewired to learn and to be interested in everything around us. Wonder fuels learning, no matter how young or old we are.
Sadly, our world today is largely designed to stifle wonder. We all know about the challenges of screens, technology, and mindless activity. That applies to adults as much as to children. To retain a sense of curiosity, we must be intentional. As difficult as it may seem, you and I must find time to read, acquire new knowledge, engage in deep and thoughtful discussion, let our imaginations wander, and finally, create in some way (it doesn’t have to be a masterpiece). That’s how we will generate wonder in our lives. And wonder will help us flourish in all areas of life by giving us a sense of purpose, well-being, centeredness, and faith.
My advice to you? Work on that sense of wonder. It’s not just for children.
Are you prepared to navigate conflict in your workplace?
Conflict is everywhere – around the globe, at the capital, in your city, at the local gas station this morning, and probably at your office (whether it’s in-person, hybrid or virtual). Recent surveys show that managers are using all of their conflict resolution muscles and more to combat simmering disagreements between team members. And that simmering pot isn’t going anywhere.
Are your new leaders and managers prepared? Probably not. Do they know how to engage in meaningful conflict? Or facilitate it with others?
No one is born with skills in conflict resolution. It is a skill that is learned over time, and your new managers and leaders need concentrated skill-building and coaching opportunities to grow in this area, or it’s going to eat them alive. Good leaders know this and make it part of their leadership toolkit; bad leaders ignore conflict resolution and pay the price, personally and for their teams.
Everyone likes to feel heard, seen, and respected…whether you agree with them or not. Below are just a few pointers that are helpful as we all grow.
Set the Stage (Accomplishes shared expectations and meaning.)
What are your boundaries? What are their boundaries?
Does your group have touchstones/community agreements/group norms that describe the behavioral expectations for your team?
How are you going to frame the conversation? What is the purpose of the conversation?
Where will it take place? For how long? When? In-person or virtual?
Invite Participation (Accomplishes confidence that their voice is welcome.)
How do you know if the team member feels that they are being acknowledged?
What do you do when you need to call out behavior that goes against your team’s community agreements/touchstones?
Is everyone being held accountable to the same degree?
I know this can seem like a lot to digest and to implement. If you are interested, I would love to talk with you about providing a customized training for your new managers and leaders in the upcoming months. Call me at (803) 920-1736 to schedule a time to talk.
As you know, I LOVE the Olympics. The pageantry, the competition, the reward for years of tireless practice and labor…the ups and the downs. What the athletes in these various events accomplish is truly awe-inspiring.
We hear constantly about the dedication and hours…even years…of practice it takes to get to this level of perfection in a sport. The sacrifices made, the injuries pushed through, and the disappointments suffered are all a well-known part of the process. We recognize and even celebrate those as part of the medal-winning formula. But never forget that success for one person is often built on the foundation of many helping hands.
What about all these behind-the-scenes heroes? The parents who drove those athletes to 5:00 am practice sessions in the dead of winter. The siblings attending untold numbers of competitions to cheer on that brother or sister who otherwise drove them bonkers. The unnamed coaches who caught sight of – and nurtured – a glimmer of talent in a squirrely-headed eight-year-old. The high school, college and professional coaches combining to hone raw talent into world-class skills. And even the parents or coaches or friends who were honest enough to say “You lost because that just wasn’t your best effort. You haven’t been concentrating or working hard enough. How badly do you want it??” True success is built on more than mere boosterism. It always includes a hefty dose of brutal honesty and accountability.
There are stand-out stars in your organization, I’m certain. But there are also far more behind-the-scenes heroes. Make sure that you look for and recognize them. No trophies or medals needed. A simple “Thank you…I needed to hear that (or be held accountable)” is enough.
In the summer, I think there’s nothing like a good hot dog with chili, coleslaw, and some shredded cheese. In addition to tasting fabulous, sometimes a good chili dog teaches you a lesson (other than don’t wear a white shirt while eating it!). Just this past week, I was making our homemade hot dog chili, and an incredible revelation hit me. You see, I had all of the ingredients – lean ground beef, yellow onion, garlic, chili powder, mustard, etc. – but I could not make the chili. There was no ketchup to be found anywhere in our kitchen. No Heinz. No Hunts. No house brand even. Nada. No ketchup, no chili. It only takes a cup and a half for my recipe, but it’s an essential ingredient with no substitute. And then it hit me….what I was staring at looks like a lot of organizational teams. They have the people, the plans, and even their “special differentiating factors” but they are missing the one crucial ingredient needed to make things work. They’re a chili recipe with no ketchup.
As I see it, the ketchup for groups is protected time to implement plans and new changes. You see, without the ketchup (and you really don’t need that much) you do not have hot dog chili. Groups need protected time – time when they don’t have a meeting, a phone call, a looming deadline, or whatever, to actually implement the work that has been decided. It doesn’t take a lot – I think for most groups if you just gave folks a day and a half of protected time to process the proposed changes, discuss new goals and objectives, call some key individuals to figure out what is needed, or update key documents with new work flows, you would get to effective implementation a lot quicker. If you don’t, your organizational team is likely to wander around without really accomplishing what you all hoped for.
So, this summer, I encourage you to make some hot dog chili with your team (for real and metaphorically). Dust off the plans and give folks protected time and space to move some ideas closer to the finish line. I promise you’ll enjoy the results.
If anyone knows me or ISI Consulting, you know we take great pride in never (or almost never) doing the same thing with a group or organization. I don’t ever want to be considered a “one-trick pony” facilitator. That’s just unfair for everyone. It’s painful for a group who experienced that same activity a year ago to be forced to do it all again. And it would be just plain boring for me.
However, I have found myself using the same open-ended question for lots of groups lately and I’m not tired of it yet. And the groups I’ve used it with have found this question extremely helpful. So, what is it? “What conversation, if begun today, could ripple out and create new possibilities for the future of ___________?” That blank could be women leaders in higher education, philanthropic funders, dental hygienists…whatever! You fill in the blank, and then just let folks go. I promise you will be amazed and encouraged by what comes out of your group. The wisdom it needs is already present and accessible. What are you hearing? What contributions are emerging? What ideas are beginning to connect? What new possibilities are you noticing?
I encourage you to use the Ripple Question at your next team meeting, staff retreat, board meeting or even with your small group of confidants. This question alone can fill 30 minutes, or even an hour, of time with worthwhile discussion. To start, I like to have small groups (no more than 7 participants) wrestle with the question. Then I move to a medium-sized group (about 14 participants), before bringing all the themes together with the entire group. This ensures everyone’s voice is heard and helps keep the groups focused.
You don’t need to hire a consultant to help you start thinking strategically as a team. You simply need to carve out time and space for reflection. Then use the open-ended Ripple Question for your team to engage in, ponder over, and explore. But, hey…if you do need a consultant to help get your team back on track or moving forward to the next level, I can help with that, too. Give me a call today, and let’s make a plan.
The Goldilocks Rule states that humans experience peak motivation when working on tasks that are right on the edge of their current abilities. Ones that are not too hard. Not too easy. But just right.
A task or goal that is too easy doesn’t provide any challenge and quickly becomes a chore. And we all know how easy it is to put off chores. (Reorganizing your closet, anyone??) If something is so hard that you can’t see any immediate improvement or progress at all, you’ll simply quit. Your brain knows you can find something easier to accomplish, and brains love the dopamine rush that comes with accomplishment. So how do you find that just right task? Many experts refer to these as stretch goals…something that’s a little beyond our current skills, but something we can envision accomplishing.
For example, several years ago, I decided to run a half-marathon. A bit over thirteen miles. I was a casual jogger at the time, and certainly not ready for that distance. That’s when I realized interim goals are crucial. I didn’t start out running 10 miles a day. I started by running around the block in my neighborhood. Then I ran two houses further. Then five houses further. Then another block. Then another mile. I could see progress, and that kept me motivated. Always remember to include some interim goals in your skill-building plans.
Mastery requires practice. There’s no way around this. Studies have shown that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to master something like playing the piano or ice skating or graphic design. You can have raw talent, but practice is what turns talent into skill. Practice trains your brain and muscles until they work together like a well-oiled machine. As the old saying goes, “practice makes perfect.” Practice lets you do something without having to think about every step in the process. There’s just one challenge…practice can be boring. And boredom is perhaps the greatest villain on the quest for self-improvement. Lack of practice is why many people with plenty of raw talent fail to achieve their goals or significant success. People who master anything have found a way to make practice rewarding, even if it might not be fun. They’ve found a way to beat practice boredom.
So how do we keep boredom at bay? We fall in love with it. We become endlessly fascinated by doing the same thing over and over. We deliberately look for those small improvements or changes that mean progress. Are those piano scales getting easier to play? Do your fingers move faster over the keys? Do you miss fewer notes? Do you notice your workout getting a little easier each day? Can you lift a bit more weight this week than you could before? Progress equals success.
Of course, it never hurts to vary your routine a bit. I don’t jog the same route every day. Sometimes I listen to music while running…other times I listen to a podcast. Or simply enjoy a lovely day and soak in my surroundings. Whenever you’re working on a task or skill that’s just a little bit challenging, remember to switch things up now and again to keep boredom at bay. You do you. But whatever you do, find a way to identify and focus on those tasks that are just hard enough. Like Goldilocks, you’ll find what’s just right.
