This May Hurt a Little

Navigating Difficult Conversations

As former White House press secretary Jen Psaki notes in her book “Say More: Lessons from Work, the White House, and the World” the first step in successfully navigating a difficult conversation is to accept mutual discomfort as inevitable. Someone is going to be uncomfortable saying something, and the other person is going to be uncomfortable hearing it. Whether it’s discussing the realities of racial and economic inequality, dealing with subpar employee performance, or announcing a new direction for your organization, we’re all going to feel that squirm inside.

One way to minimize the squirm is to remember the famous quote attributed to Maya Angelou: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” How we feel is closely tied to a sense of being truly hear. So, if you want to navigate difficult conversations, become a better listener. Learn to let people feel heard.

The best listeners do a lot more than just nod. Paying attention to what someone is saying is all about being present in the moment. Good listeners make the process collaborative and interactive. They lean in. Use what they already know to make a connection. Ask questions. Probe for more information. Repeat back what they think they’ve heard. And they’re willing to be a bit uncomfortable if it lowers the barrier to engagement.

In an environment where it seems everyone is shouting instead of engaging, learn to listen. It’s often the quietest voices in the room that have the most to say. No matter how hard the conversation might be, let them be heard.

Stay Sharp, 

Holly Hayes, President & Founder
ISI Consulting